Why do Women in India feel so unsafe?

Every single woman I know, including myself,  has experienced sexual harassment. I was only 13 when a man groped me in a crowded market. That was my first experience.

I recently went to Chandni Chowk, and I was just standing, waiting for my friend to arrive. A boy, not even an adult man, slapped my buttocks and ran away. That was my most recent experience.

I have talked to many women regarding their experiences with harassment. The situation is worse for the women who are disadvantaged by the system, and the women who are prone to facing poverty. One of them told me how difficult it is to travel in public transport, especially buses due to the awful men who will just grope them and get off at the next station.

I don’t usually use public transport other than the metro, instead opting to go via auto or cab. However, we aren’t even safe then. A year ago, an auto driver grabbed my hand and put it to his chest, and told me that he didn’t want to leave my hand. I was terrified, and ran away from him.

We hear about so many different rape cases on the daily. Like the Nirbhaya case, or the RG Kar Medical Hospital doctor rape case. Those are some of the most heinous crimes that can ever be committed. And these cases are just the ones that got a lot of media coverage. There are a multitude of cases that don’t even get reported, let alone get media coverage. How do we, as women, feel safe when we know monsters who commit such horrible crimes are out there? How do we feel safe when sexual harassment against us is at an all-time high?

The questions that arise in my mind when I think about this issue are: What causes these men to act the way that they act? What leads them to commit such awful acts that demean women and make them feel so unsafe? What is the root cause of the problem? The answer to these questions is not an easy one, and is heavily complex and nuanced. In this essay, I will be attempting to explore these questions in order to make the answers to them slightly more comprehensible.

I will be talking a lot about patriarchy in this essay, so let me define it for you. Patriarchy is a system of relationships, beliefs, and values embedded in political, social, and economic systems that structure gender inequality between men and women.

“One is not born a woman, but becomes one.” – Simone de Beauvoir

Why is this quote relevant to this piece, you might be wondering? The answer is simply that the patriarchy forces women into these boxes, they have to follow certain traits in order to be deemed “womanly”, and if they don’t, their femininity is questioned and they are called manly. Some of these traits include: being soft-spoken, being submissive, being expected to do household chores, etc.

It is the same with men.

If men have certain traits that are deemed “womanly”, for example – crying or being expressive and open about their feelings and emotions, their masculinity is put into question and they are called “womanly”, which most men consider a grave insult. Patriarchy also enforces that men have to be dominant and women have to be submissive. This belief system leads to a variety of complex issues, and that is where the answers to the aforementioned questions lie.

As I mentioned earlier, men are taught to be dominant, and most men have this desire and need even, to assert their dominance over women. It starts early. “Boys locker room” conversations, ranking girls on the basis of looks, calling them “flat” or “thick”, just objectifying them in general, leads to younger boys thinking that they can say anything about women. In extreme cases, young boys might actually do something, for example, how that boy slapped my buttocks and ran away in Chandni Chowk.

This grooming of men and making them feel like women are inferior to them is what the patriarchy enforces. That is usually how these men feel like they are capable of doing whatever they want to women, and in extreme cases, they actually end up sexually harassing us.

I hate that this is what society has become like. However, it doesn’t mean nothing can be done. Educating boys and girls early about what is right or wrong, aiding them to become empathetic and respectful individuals, and educating them about sexual harassment is the right way to go about this issue. Fighting hard against patriarchal ideals, and letting children be who they are, redefining what it means to be “masculine” and “feminine”, are also long-term goals that must be fulfilled in order to have a safer society for women. I believe that abolishing these patriarchal ideals, like men have to be dominant and women have to be submissive, will be especially beneficial, not just for women but also for men.